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Monday, March 14, 2011

Love the Irish

 

DividersDividers
Paddy  goes to the vet with his  goldfish.
"I  think it's got epilepsy" he tells the  vet.
Vet takes a  look and says "It seems calm enough to  me".

Paddy says,  "I haven't taken it out of the bowl  yet".
 
Paddy spies a  letter lying on his  doormat.
It says  on the envelope "DO NOT BEND  ".
Paddy spends  the next 2 hours trying to figure out
 how to  pick the Bloody thing  up.
Paddy shouts  frantically into the phone
 "My wife is pregnant  and her
Contractions are only two  minutes  apart!"
"Is this  her first child?" asks the  Doctor.
"No",  shouts Paddy, "this is her  husband!"

Paddy  was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he  has to swerve
 to Avoid a tree,  then another, then  another.
A cop  car pulls him over as he veers about all over  the road.
Paddy  tells the cop about all the trees in the  road.
Cop says  "For gods sake Paddy, that's your air freshener  swinging  
About!"
An  old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's  inconsolable.

His  wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the  paper?"

He does,  but two weeks later the dog is still  missing.
"What  did you put in the paper?" his wife  asks.
"Here boy"  he  replies.
Paddy's in  jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him
 hanging by  his Feet.
"What  the hell you doing?" he  asks.
"Hangin'  meself" Paddy  replies.
"It  should be around your neck" says the  Guard.
"I tried  dat" says Paddy "but I couldn't  breathe".
An  American tourist asks an Irish dive master:  "Why do Scuba divers always Fall backwards
off their boats?"
To which the Irishman  replies:
"If they fell forwards, they'd  still be In the boat."  

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